THE FEMALE TANTRIC ORGASM
Giulia Maes, a participant in Tantralife courses, tells us about her experience
AN ORDINARY EDUCATION
How many women are comfortable talking about sex, pleasure and orgasm?
Speaking with many friends and since I have attended the Tantralife school, I have the opportunity to observe even more clearly that too often sex continues to generate great insecurities and dissatisfactions especially – but not only – among women.
In the way I was raised and educated, sex was presented to me exclusively as a tool of procreation, dangerous, and to be handled with extreme care and especially only with a partner who had demonstrated his intention to marry me.
No one had prepared me for sex as a tool for pleasure, no one had ever talked to me about how sexual well-being can alleviate anxiety and depression even more effectively than chemical medicines, and no one had ever given me the perspective of sex intended as an expansion of the spirituality in my life!
I have often wondered how my life would have been different if I had access to this information in a natural and simple way if I had simply encouraged in my personal times of evolution as a woman the expansion of pleasure embracing it without fear, fear, shame or sense of guilt.
In my experience as a 50-year-old woman who has gone through a marriage and various relationships, who lives motherhood, and who has always loved sex (despite various cultural / family castrations), I first experienced that knowledge is power and that knowing my body and what I like through self-exploration of my senses and body is the key to pleasure.
Also because if I don’t know how to expand my pleasure, how can I communicate it to someone else?
Of course, for me, it was a long journey that began with Radha nine years ago with meditation and Tantra, which took me on a journey that still happens now, a journey made of discoveries and wonders. You know Alice in Wonderland? Yes, just like that!
It is incredible, and you may have been told it a thousand times … but the truth is this: everything is already in here, in our body, in our mind, and above all in our heart.
THE AMAZON WHO LIVES IN ME
It is difficult to summarize what I have experienced in these 9 years, but perhaps I could tell you about it as a progressive relaxation in my body, an observation of what is happening continuously in my body, a constant attention to feeling everything that happens in my body here and now.
Before Tantra, for me, sex was mostly about giving pleasure and enjoying doing it. Yes, I was very identified with the image of the “Geisha”. Also, not trusting much the male ability to take care of female pleasure, I was always the one to lead the game and ride the man and the wave of pleasure. Riding allowed me to control penetration, to better feel the body and the evolution of pleasure, to decide even if and when to reach orgasm.
Not only did it make me feel safer, it just allowed me to feel how much pleasure my partner and I both felt. So, after the foreplay phase, which has always been very important to me, because I have always loved tasting a good dish with all my senses before eating it, we usually moved into the position described that I held until orgasm.
Obviously, all this for me meant an active part, to control and manage the whole process and therefore also greater tension throughout the act, which had always and only orgasm as its ultimate goal. At the time, my orgasm was purely physical and it was powerful and very, very satisfying. So I approached Tantra because after many years of meditations in which the body was always somehow excluded (mindfulness, vipassana, TM, etc …) I felt that this was precisely the part I was missing: the body.
THE BEGINNING OF A NEW ADVENTURE
Tantra has given me a knowledge of sexual pleasure that can go beyond physical pleasure and therefore also keeps my fear related to penetration at bay (“what if he pushes too hard, and what if I can’t slow him down or let him be more delicate or maybe just make him stop? “) and then above all Tantra taught me to know and to feel my body vibrating in a new way, in a way that can also be independent from a partner: alone, feeling my body vibrate under my touch that gently explores every millimeter of my skin, as no other lover can.
Asking myself during a meeting what I want at the moment, for me it meant first of all slowing everything down, feeling the body move in a different way, because if before it was enough to feel the excitement with a certain force to throw myself headlong into the sexual pattern that I described, experiencing Tantra allowed me to observe what was happening and how I felt while it was happening. Since I started listening to myself, I have discovered how energy constantly changes during sexual intercourse: it can start in a disruptive way and then stop suddenly, or be delicate and slow at the beginning and then become a wild ride, or be delicate and slow all the time and then suddenly explode into a very strong orgasm.
Trusting in my energy and body has led me to relax and feel so much more.
And of course, while relaxing, I also experienced orgasms that were not only physical. But even this is extremely variable and depends on the connection that is created with the partner so I would say that for me it is not so much just a question of positions or chemical matching but of the connection between me and the partner. Thanks to Tantra I have learned to deeply feel myself, which leads me to connect with my body, to listen to my heart and to trust my energy.
A MATURE FEMALE SEXUALITY
Connecting to each other through the breath and the body and feel the energy flowing from one to the other, eye to eye, slowly and with more and more confidence from moment to moment, relaxing the body more and more, feeling safe in my boundaries, and flowing naturally.
This for me means doing nothing, just staying there, breathing and watching the partner breathe with me, his body connected to mine. And from here waiting for the wave of passion that when arrives moves the body towards union. And it’s completely different for me to follow a wave of sexual energy that happens by itself from doing stimulatory patterns that repeat themselves.
The knowledge of the beauty of this naturalness and the nourishment I experience from it has completely changed my relationship with sexual energy and also the way I look at a partner.
No longer as an object of desire or something to use to achieve my pleasure but as a beautiful part of me to connect with and love.
Connecting through the genitals and the heart, then, becomes a very powerful tool of meditation, love and nourishment that has nothing to do with my partner but connects me to myself, to my masculine and my feminine and makes me whole, integrated, absolutely ONE with all there is.
And then something happened by itself. I call it Satori …. I don’t know why, but when it happens my mind utters this word.
It happened to me during meditations alone simply connected to my silence and my energy. Suddenly an unstoppable joy exploded in the body starting from the heart and expanding to the whole body and it was so big and immense that, not being able to contain it, it exploded in laughter.
No body-only orgasm is remotely comparable to this experience for me, I’ve never experienced anything more incredibly true and nourishing.
Today I feel that in sex, as well as in life, I am present to what happens without having to be in control all the time, I feel and communicate to the other what is happening to me and how I feel and also feel that, growing and changing, my body will lead me to expand and explore more and that Tantra will continue to reveal new things to me about who I am and what I like.